five hundred miles

Happy Birthday Pierre :: 4 Years

I try very hard to not make all of our posts gloomy since losing our beloved Addis but this has been such a devastating loss that it is hard not to fill my entire days with gloom let alone one post. We miss her so very much...we ache for her every day and time has not made it feel any less than it did the day we loss. It feels like an eternity since we've seen her and yet it has barely been two months.

The only thing that has made it at all bearable is our love for Pierre. He is the brightest light in our darkness and we lean on his love, his kisses and the sounds of him snoring. He is our saving grace and today we celebrate the four years we've been fortunate to love him.

Losing Addis has been hard for our wee mouse, he has even appeared to have aged around his eyes. I've never had to watch one of my dogs mourn before and it has been very painful. Pierre went through a period where he would just look out all of our windows anxiously. He'd go from one window to the next to the next until one morning he didn't. He wouldn't chew any of the bones they had chewed together or play with any of the toys. He started sleeping very deeply and his whole body would shake with dreams...which honesty seemed more like nightmares. I did research on it and it is pretty normal for him to experience.

He has great anxiety now and fears being left behind. That has been the hardest for us to handle -- he never had this before. He blocks us from leaving the house and he howls something atrocious if we do have to leave him. Even if he knows he's coming he shakes at the door waiting to go still fearing he isn't actually coming. I've become trapped by his anxiety and haven't left the house much. I know this won't make him better but my heart is so torn that having to see him like that impacts me too greatly to leave.

We have made progress on this front but it is slow going. We've worried over him and he's still not quite the Pierre he was before and he may never be, but he's young and showing signs of the way he's always loved life. The way Addis loved life - to the fullest, to the absolute brim of life.

This is what makes loving an animal so painful and yet, so life changing. They are love to the absolute fullest sense and we are so blessed to be loved by them.

Our sweet sweet Pierre, happy birthday! You are currently in an egg coma surrounded by your new toys and our kisses.