five hundred miles


Halloween and Addis

Today Addis would have turned 10 years old. Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays and having her born on it made it that much more special.

I miss her. I miss her every single day...I still wake in the middle of the night to catch my breath I miss her. It is so hard for me to explain the impact of her loss in my life but who I was before I lost her is not who I am today.

I didn't even want to celebrate Halloween this year but from what I have learned of loss over the years...we must celebrate the day they came, not focus on the day they left. Which I struggle to do. I am still so trapped in that horrible day when she was taken from us in such a cruel way. 

To get involved in Halloween is my way of honoring her because it isn't fair to her or to anyone else for me to just sit in the day I could not change, no matter how much I ache to have been able to. I do not know how people who love these souls so deeply move forward in their loss but I am working at it every single day. I am kissing the faces of Olive and Pierre and trying so hard to live in the moment.

We decided this year we needed to finally decorate. The 3 years we've lived here we've only done lots of pumpkins due to time restraints but this year had to be different. So I made spiders and Andrew made the sign and we bought some web and tried our best to be creative. Andrew also insisted on a red spotlight...and so there you have it. It honestly looks really cute in person and it felt good to work on it together and talk about Addis. It felt good to do something positive with her in mind. 

Happy Birthday my dearest sweet bear. We miss you. We love you.